Eldest sister

When does the responsibility of being an eldest sister end?

As the eldest, much is expected. Though it may not be verbally said but it is indirectly or otherwise brutally expected that you help your parents or your sibblings as much as you can. By help, I pertain to financially helping them out.

But what if helping them out is not making you happy anymore. Why? Simply because you have things that you want to do but you just can't as you have to put your family first before your own. For example, sending a brother/sister to school before fulfilling your desire to get a Masters or pursue Law. Or merely just going to work to make sure you receive hefty amount of money every 15th or 30th of each month just in case a member needs money.

Is it too selfish if we ask them for a while to stop asking. Respect our right to save for our future to pursue the things that once and for all we deserve to do. I hope this doesn't sound selfish. I hope this doesn't sound so bitter. But I just hope that once they also realize that its not all about the money. Its not all about what elder sisters can offer. I hope they would also realize that we are human beings too. Ladies who are also looking for affection, consideration,respect and gratitude. Big ates or manangs who also have their own dreams but sacrifice it for the sake of the family.

I'm not sure how many times I've heard the words, Do this because you are the panganay..I think I have done my part. I finished my studies, helped a brother halfway to school. I may not be sending money to my parents on a regular basis but I don't give them headache or heartache. Its the least that I can contribute. If they're asking money on a regular basis that I can't take. See, I have this resentment with the fact that guys ask money from me. I just don't want to feed fish, I want to teach them how to fish.

I am still torn. It is but stupid to expect different results if I do the same things all over again. As I have contemplated and prepared years ago, I will have to follow my heart's desire and ensure that my future will be prioritized. My family should come first, no doubt about it. However at this point, my immediate family has come to terms that we have to take several directions. I would like to choose my own path hoping that they won't be detouring it. I know I will meet them at cross roads or at the end of the road.

What I'm saying doesn't make sense but I just want it all out. Making a big decision isn't easy. Its very scary in all aspects of the M word. But I must face it with courage, dignity, optimism and love.